DECODE

9:24 PM

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Trying as hard as I can.

Hey blogger, it's been awhile right?
Well SPM is over and it's been weeks already. And guess what? I am single again (:
It's really a long story and I really want to forget about it. Moving on though :D
And what's have been bothering me these past few days is things around me and I don't know if I can cope and I still can hold on to it.

You know what i honestly feel? Sad and stupid.
Afterall... i know i am not that strong but i am trying to be strong. Trying to smile as much i can. And try to keep this sorrowness i keep in my heart and try not to show it to people. Cause there's no one I can talk to about it. Except you, blogger.
But have you ever felt like you feel like telling a person all you feel but you can't cause you don't want things to get worse? Cause u don't want them to think you're an attention seeker or just trying to get into a fight?The pain in your heart, you feel like telling them but half of the pain is about them? How do you wanna tell right? But i'm still trying to put my feelings aside. It's not worth my time... and i won't let my feelings bother anyone. Let me just stay quiet.

Sometimes i feel stupid because i just let people make me sad, make me angry or whatever it is and i just smile smile smile... what if one day i'm not around anymore? Baru time tu ke nak rasa bersalah? Baru time tu ke nak rasaaa yang i don't feel appreciated? Sometimes i feel like whatever I do.... NO ONE will ever feel like its a good thing.. mengutuk ade lah. Baik sangat kot.
People around me change and there's nothing i can do about it. As i grow up, I will go through all this shit again and again. Until the day i die. Sometimes i don't want negativeeee thinking conquer my mind , but i can't help it.Its all a fact.

But being sad all the time is just not me. I'm a happy person, a loud person.
I just need to learn to grow up and stop sulking. From now on, i will promise myself not to let anyone, or anybody take advantage of my kindness and whatever happens i will learn from it. I am not perfect myself, i make mistakes too. I make people angry too. And not knowing, maybe i did hurt a lot of people. But i know it wasn't my intention.I love to see my loved one smile especially when im the one who made them smile and when they hurt because of me... i instantly feel awful and sometimes i am an awful person. Or even a friend.

And i'm the type of person that forgive and forget.
Remember when i was fourteen where i thought were my "bestfriends" create an ANTI-NINI thingy on myspace. Guess what...? they're still my friends.. and still are my girlfriends. Yes it hurts .. and those tormented years.... but why do i have to stick to the past and when I know there's much beautiful things i can experience soon. I'll just have to wait. This is just me.... insecure,low self-esteem and crazy bitch.

Oh and LESS THAN THREE is in progress :) xoxo