DECODE

9:24 PM

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Trying as hard as I can.

Hey blogger, it's been awhile right?
Well SPM is over and it's been weeks already. And guess what? I am single again (:
It's really a long story and I really want to forget about it. Moving on though :D
And what's have been bothering me these past few days is things around me and I don't know if I can cope and I still can hold on to it.

You know what i honestly feel? Sad and stupid.
Afterall... i know i am not that strong but i am trying to be strong. Trying to smile as much i can. And try to keep this sorrowness i keep in my heart and try not to show it to people. Cause there's no one I can talk to about it. Except you, blogger.
But have you ever felt like you feel like telling a person all you feel but you can't cause you don't want things to get worse? Cause u don't want them to think you're an attention seeker or just trying to get into a fight?The pain in your heart, you feel like telling them but half of the pain is about them? How do you wanna tell right? But i'm still trying to put my feelings aside. It's not worth my time... and i won't let my feelings bother anyone. Let me just stay quiet.

Sometimes i feel stupid because i just let people make me sad, make me angry or whatever it is and i just smile smile smile... what if one day i'm not around anymore? Baru time tu ke nak rasa bersalah? Baru time tu ke nak rasaaa yang i don't feel appreciated? Sometimes i feel like whatever I do.... NO ONE will ever feel like its a good thing.. mengutuk ade lah. Baik sangat kot.
People around me change and there's nothing i can do about it. As i grow up, I will go through all this shit again and again. Until the day i die. Sometimes i don't want negativeeee thinking conquer my mind , but i can't help it.Its all a fact.

But being sad all the time is just not me. I'm a happy person, a loud person.
I just need to learn to grow up and stop sulking. From now on, i will promise myself not to let anyone, or anybody take advantage of my kindness and whatever happens i will learn from it. I am not perfect myself, i make mistakes too. I make people angry too. And not knowing, maybe i did hurt a lot of people. But i know it wasn't my intention.I love to see my loved one smile especially when im the one who made them smile and when they hurt because of me... i instantly feel awful and sometimes i am an awful person. Or even a friend.

And i'm the type of person that forgive and forget.
Remember when i was fourteen where i thought were my "bestfriends" create an ANTI-NINI thingy on myspace. Guess what...? they're still my friends.. and still are my girlfriends. Yes it hurts .. and those tormented years.... but why do i have to stick to the past and when I know there's much beautiful things i can experience soon. I'll just have to wait. This is just me.... insecure,low self-esteem and crazy bitch.

Oh and LESS THAN THREE is in progress :) xoxo

1:59 AM

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Love Unexpectedly.

Hey blogger, guess what?

I am no longer single :) I have a boyfriend now. Maybe it's too early to tell you that but I just need to say it here :) Well, erm guess who? He is my friend since i was primary 3 and it's totally awesome how GOD does his job because I am with my good friend that i've known for 8 years now.

I swear I don't know how things happen and when people ask me how it happen.. how did he ask me to be his girlfriend... i'll be like :O becauuuse i just don't know how to explain it! ONLY GOD knows how complicated it is to tell people how i got together with him.

He doesn't mind people knowing I'm his girlfriend but he have to keep it down low for some reasons that i can't tell of course. I totally understand, i mean come on not a big deal right? :) I just hope that things will work out because i'm having my big exam soon and i really really need to study. Like 3-4 hours a day or more. I have to keep my head straight. Really focus. This relationship is a long distance relationship , i honestly don't know how it really work cause honestly this is a real relationship that i'm going through right now. So far...... i've never been in a relationship likee.... it's really hard to explain actually haha.

But oh well, who cares.

Oh and totally forgot that i am SEVENTEEN ! I am seventeen yesterday! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ~ *singing alone*

Yeah and special thanks to Haziq Akashah ♥ my handsome handsome bestfriend who bought me a cake and celebrate it at my home with my beautiful bestfriend Shafiqah Othman Hamzah and her boyfriend Rangga and also my beautiful Bella ♥ Thank you guys so much for making my day yesterday, it may not be the most AWESOMEST "party" but it meant a lot to me :')

And if you wanna know who this special someone i was talking about...

he is my cina boy ♥

And there you can see his picture on my wallpaper ♥

My favourite picture of him :) Muhd Fida'iy Tan ♥

29 October 2011

And also to my bestfriend whose always been there for me! ♥

SPM IS COMING SOON! I have to go go go go and study now.

Guess how many days left? ZERO ! :)

Wish me luck. And happy birthday to me :)

9:44 AM

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Big mistakes.Big lies.Bullshits.

I feel so dumb right now. I feel like a bad person. I just feel like I'm not a good person.

I feel like turning the time back. And fix my mistakes.What is actually wrong with me? Who am i ? Pfft i am nobody.

Now you're in my eyes, or is it just temporary?

I felt something, and i know you don't. But what is wrong with me?

Dear someone, i'm sorry! I hope you don't think anything bad about me :(

I hope you don't lost your respect for me. I'm not what you think i am :( Please?

I think i need to talk to you :( sheesh. you're a great friend and i wouldn't want you think bad of me. Seriously, i am so sorry aite? :/ argh

p/s: i am so sorry.everyone.

6:18 AM

Monday, August 22, 2011

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan :)

Can you believe it, its already the last week of Ramadhan :) And alhamdulillah , this years ramadhan is actually quite fun too ^^ Hope you guys enjoyed it too. Next week, is already HARI RAYA! Woah.. so fast. And that's not what im excited about.... its SPM :P HAHA

Okay i am so not excited about it! NOT FUNNY :(

84 DAYS TILL SPM !

Gulppppp, help me. I am so not ready, i swear i feel the heat and pressure now.

So many things happened in few months, and i don't know where to start. I think i will start blogging when i finish school. Which is..... next year (Y) So just wait for my blog to be updated, i mean who cares about my blog... HAHAHAHAHA

Okay SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI IN ADVANCE! Love you allz.

2:59 AM

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Instead I am just invisible.

One day i will read this and i will.... definitely be wondering who im talking about. But i need someone to talk to . So yeahhhh ;)

Today was kind of memorable too. Maybe .... not that memorable but i want to write it down because i think it is a sweet memory. So yeah if you realize i only put bittersweet memories here :) so don't mind me kays? let me tell you the story.

Short story: I said sorry to apple and things are just kind of.. funny just now. We looked at each other but actually we're supposed to be angry at each other but maybe we just can't because... we don't really take things seriously D: But i didn't really talk to him yesterday so yeahhhh ~
We accidentally looked at each other and then we LOOKED again and then start laughing but then i looked away cause i wanna be "angry" but i don't know why i just can't be angry at him D:
Why do i have to care about someone so childish and lame and immature guy like him ?-,- i like this guy i like that guy at the end of the day he is the only guy i will say that i like so much.

I don't expect us to be with each other but i just wanna know ... if we had the chance.. do you think that something special can happen? You know what? it doesn't even matter because i am glad he is a friend of mine .. and if he is happy i have to be happy for him although it hurts me :)
Only if he knows.......... :P

She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile
She never noticed how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible, yeah

There's a fire inside of you that can't help but shine through
But she's never gonna see the light, no matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

And I just want show you, she don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

Like shadows in the faded light, oh, we're invisible
I just wanna open your eyes and make you realize

And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
Baby, let me love you, let me want you
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible, oh, yeah

She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile

5:34 AM

Saturday, June 18, 2011

She can't see the way your eyes

Light up when you smile.

Today was kind one of the best day in my life! :D

I decided to blog here because today is HISTORY! I know! my school? like come on.. yeah. this year our principal is DATIN AISAH ... somehow things change and its like fun! i don't know about the future but it was really fun!

I am just kind of an emotional freak right now because i miss my cheer squad. We practiced for FOUR freaking days , NO SERIOUSLY, FOUR FREAKING DAYS till saturday to perform infront of all the people. And i was in the blue house which is PERDANA! :D OMGEE! I have to admit all this practicing makes my body ache but i seriously enjoy it. If they don't , that'd be lying because i mean besides the aching.. everything was fun! (minus the part where me and kamal were too fierce when we teach them how to cheer) HAHA! But its all for the team :') i SWEAR i've never committed so much like this, THATS WHY i feel so ...omg is this how you feel when we all get together and achieve victory. Like woah ! it sure feels good! :)

Oh i know i know my blog is dead but who cares. I just wanna write this because i want to! its important. Okay so the whole point is just that i feel down. And i am suprised that the boys that joined in Faiz,Meerzan,Haris,Arish and Kamal (co-captain) was really committed and took things seriously! I hope they had fun doing this thing.. i know KAMAL AND ARISH DID! :D I just wanna thank them for... making a beautiful day for me today. Typin all of this seriously makes me cry. cry cry cry cry... i've never been this sooooo i don't know i cry a lot today! wtf ?

And to all the beautiful girls :') Although i shout and scream at you guys.. you know i did that for the team so that everything is right. i LOVE ALL OF YOU GIRLS! BEAUTIFUL GIRLS! LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU! ♥ THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! WITHOUT YOU GUYS THINGS WILL BE... HAIHHH! U GUYS ARE ALL AWESOME !!!!!

And to the traitor who makes all of us.. in trouble one day before the real shit..... fuck you! hope you guys are satisfy.. either way...... PERDANA WON!!!!!! WOOOHOOO ~ IN YO FACE BITCHES! We don't freaking care! >:) heheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

PERDANA'S MOTTO: "WE ARE BETTER THAN YOU"
Hell yeah we areeeeeee people~ (Y) woohoo!

oh and yeah i forgot about this part. i got more emotional at the Burger King when Bella and Cass read the wall post i gave to them before the real day together! It was just soooo :') moment! seriously! I bet everyone is feeling the same way too! look i just wanna cry now. gah! fuck fuck fuck. hate crying.

Okay so. maybe i'll update more about my life if you care to read.

GOODBYE.

PERDANA IS IN THE HOUSE
PERDANA IS NUMBER ONE
SAY HEY (HEY) SAY HO (HO)
PERDANA LETS GO!

YEAH YEAH YEAH

3:08 AM

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

LOL !

Hey blogger. I am so so so so million times sorry i didn't post anything anymore. I am seriously lazy to blog and when i have the mood i am lazy to re-type back all the things i did these past few days :/

Well you also need to know i have a band. Well its not really a band i suppose. More like someone i can sing and play instruments with. Time flies so fast that right now, i am going to sit my mid-term exam. I am not ready yet, but i have to be ready. Grrr help.

And i mean come on blogger, you know that this is like a dead blogger. No one reads my blogger. Unlike shafiqah's hers' is.... well fascanating and a lot of stories. I met a lot of people this year, and i've gone through quite a lot although its only May :P HAHAHAHA.Sheeeesh i can go crazy lah man.

I wish i can tell you more about whats happening to my life but gosh ..... me no mood to put a lot pictures HAHAH there's toooooo many :P

LOVE YOU BLOGGER. XX